How can I help?

 If we’re going to get better at supporting each other, if we’re going to get what we all want—to love and be loved—we need to talk about what isn’t working, and we need to talk about what really helps."

Megan Devine

• Meal Train - A meal train is super helpful, supportive and organized. When Nyx passed away, one of my cousins was kind enough to get one started. For two weeks, there was a hot meal delivered to us. The majority of them, would just drop it off on the doorstep and text me. Which was super convenient. In early grief, you're disheveled, swollen and exhausted. Sometimes the last thing we want to be faced with, is company. 

• Grief Groceries - I'm talking frozen pizzas, frozen lasagna, ice cream, breakfast muffins, Oreo cookies, pre-sliced fruit, cases of water (they're going to be dehydrated), hell maybe even a gallon of milk too. Comfort foods, items that are quick to warm up. Sometimes when we feel manic, we feel the need to down a whole sleeve of cookies or bag of chips. Don't forget the kids, pudding cups, Capri suns/Apple Juice, goldfish. The kids are grieving too. Don't even ask, if they need these items. Just assume. 

• Gift Card- Could be used to for almost anything. 

• When a parent is grieving, asking for help can seem overwhelming, impossible even. Decision fatigue is a real thing. Start with 1 question and move on "Can I take the kids this afternoon, so you can have some time to yourself?" or "What restaurant do you like?" or "Can I cut your grass today?" or "I’m going to Target. What can I get you while I’m there?" sounds better than "What errands can I run for you?" Overwhelming. 

• Say their name, share a memory, acknowledge the big dates. The little ones also. An ordinary Saturday can suck too... 

• Let them be sad. Sadness is a natural, healthy response to grief. 

• It's ok you don't know what to say, you're not expected to. So just say that. Acknowledge how horrible this situation is but be present and be prepared to for it to...maybe be awkward. Emotion in the raw is real and excruciatingly awkward. I wish there were a way around it, but there's not. Thats grief, that's love. Thats part of being human

Try to remember that it won’t always be like this. If you stick around, eventually they will surface and ways to be helpful will make themselves known. But in the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as possible.